So, I haven't fallen off the bandwagon, I was just without internet at home for a few days! But it's all fixed.
I think I get to earn some serious street cred. I ran 4 miles, in the ran, after wearing dress shoes all day. 4 miles is a personal best for me. Real runners run in the rain. Therefore, I am declaring myself a real runner. Go me!
It's been an interesting few days. I am officially off the vegan diet, and tried eating a half turkey sandwhich the other day. My tummy hurt for quite awhile. I may have jumped into the dairy & meat thing too quickly. For now, it's mostly vegetarian. I think I will feel much much better that way.
My thoughts lately are everywhere. I keep feeling like I am hitting a wall in my personal life, and keep getting overwhelmed by the enormity of this health journey, and living life for the here and now, and still maintaing goals for the future. It seems like I am fighting a uphill battle with lots of road blocks in the way.
The Bible says: " truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20. (I have previously blogged on this verse, but it's still hanging with me, so I am going to continue to blog about it.) No circumstance in my life, no struggle in my life, no mountain in my life has ever moved, or fixed itself, because I wanted it to. I have had to go through the journey. I have had to wait for the mountain to move, and it's never been instant.
I was watching footage again the other day on the continued aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, and am always amazed at the massive amount of destruction. I wonder what destruction weighs in the background of a crumbling mountain. What if the instant I pray, God's answers and begins to have the mountain crumble, but it's crumbling on the OTHER SIDE? And I just cannot see it...yet. As, I see the destruction that lays in the aftermath of natural disasters, I am convinced that as God is moving mountains in my life, and things are crumbling...there's an aftermath.
The roadblocks in life exist to prevent us from walking through the the avalanches that come from the mountains moving and crumbling. What seems to be the lack of God's activity to move the mountain, is really just a holding pattern as He clears away the debris of things that could cause further damage to our souls. God's promise to us is that as He's moving, as He's calling us to work on our goals, He won't lose us in them. He won't lose us in the aftermath. Sometimes He calls us to walk through the crumbling around us. Other times, He safely puts out His hand and stops us from going any further as He cleans house.
This is the journey I am on. It's one of learning and growth. It's a physical journey that has been really hard. Those four miles I ran, I cried the last mile. I was in pain, my lower back currently has ice on it as I sit and type this. The emotions of realizing I was going to hit my four mile mark, made me excited, and triumphant, and exhausted. Exhaustion is emotional, because it shows me, just what I am made of. It shows me my limits, it shows me my weaknesses, and that is okay. In my weakness God is made strong.
I cried that last mile, because I knew, I had reached a point of no return. I had reached a point of no longer thinking and every single emotion I have felt over the last several weeks came crashing in, and down. I realized that God, will not lose me in this journey. He loves me and will move on behalf. I just need to tuck in close.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Monday, July 22, 2013
Earning it
It finally happened. I worked my butt off so hard that I threw up. I started my workout with 50 squats (ouch), and then proceeded to run sprints for 30 minutes. Then I did 40 crunches, 30 jumping jacks, and tried to do 20 push-ups. I felt a cough coming on...and it was over. I apologize to my nieghbors, and to the readers of this blog, for sharing gross and yucky TMI details. I now feel weak, and limp, and not ready to try that ever again. However, I feel like I have earned a badge of honor. Everyone talks about how the work so hard they feel like puking, well I actually did.
Moving on...
I'm really thankful for Pan-Away essential oil. It's the only thing that is keeping my sciatic nerve pain in check. I know as my body adjusts, and as my core gets stronger, I can count on the pain going away. Right now though, I don't see an end in sight for it, and laying in bed at night as it throbs, I feel quite proud of it. I know it sounds dumb, but I feel the burn in my arms, in my core, and in my back-side and all I can think is "I earned that burn."
However, there are times, I wish this wasn't so much work. I feel like I am in a constant cycle of trying decide when to wake up, when to work out, when to eat, when to cook, what to buy. What is a better choice, is this nutritionly sound, is this real food, are these empty calories? How much is a serving size? It is exhausting. And totally worth it.
"Water water everywhere, nor any drop to drink."
Diet coke and creamy coffee are my enemies in this journey. I am proud to report I am Diet Coke free for three weeks, and it's something that is constantly on my mind. The thought of the carbonation hitting my throught makes me want to gag, but the hissing sound the ice cold can makes as you pop the tab open, well...that actually brings back memories. Memories of parades, and the county fair. Times when my family had money because it meant we could afford soda, and it made stress all around less.
In his book, The Omnivourus Mind: Our Evolving Relationship with Food, John S. Allen says, "Our evolved psychology, may make food one of the more likely things in the environment around which memories are formed and focused." It makes sense that memories are so strongly linked with our experiences with food.
Healing
I can feel my body slimming down, and my body getting stronger. I know that it's going slower then I had hoped it would, but I still deal with so many emotions with this thing. And I don't like that. I want to cry when I realize I am reaching for a snack because I am bored. I am still overwhelmed by all the information out there regarding food. I feel like I can't understand what is going on with it all. I never realized how much all of this was wrapped up in my emotions. Until I started trying to sort it out.
Father God, heal my heart tonight. Make this health journey about health & wellness. Help me sort through the emotions of everything. Help me to understand why my heart is so caught up in this. I am so aware God that You are good. That you are the author and finisher of my faith. You are the only one that can make sense of my heart because you are the one who created it. You formed me in my mother's womb and made sure you kept me safe until this moment. You have given me strength to overcome the obstacles I see in my way, and the struggles that are real. God, help me to not see food as an enemy. Help me to forgive the people who have shown me false sense of comfort through food.
Moving on...
I'm really thankful for Pan-Away essential oil. It's the only thing that is keeping my sciatic nerve pain in check. I know as my body adjusts, and as my core gets stronger, I can count on the pain going away. Right now though, I don't see an end in sight for it, and laying in bed at night as it throbs, I feel quite proud of it. I know it sounds dumb, but I feel the burn in my arms, in my core, and in my back-side and all I can think is "I earned that burn."
However, there are times, I wish this wasn't so much work. I feel like I am in a constant cycle of trying decide when to wake up, when to work out, when to eat, when to cook, what to buy. What is a better choice, is this nutritionly sound, is this real food, are these empty calories? How much is a serving size? It is exhausting. And totally worth it.
"Water water everywhere, nor any drop to drink."
Diet coke and creamy coffee are my enemies in this journey. I am proud to report I am Diet Coke free for three weeks, and it's something that is constantly on my mind. The thought of the carbonation hitting my throught makes me want to gag, but the hissing sound the ice cold can makes as you pop the tab open, well...that actually brings back memories. Memories of parades, and the county fair. Times when my family had money because it meant we could afford soda, and it made stress all around less.
In his book, The Omnivourus Mind: Our Evolving Relationship with Food, John S. Allen says, "Our evolved psychology, may make food one of the more likely things in the environment around which memories are formed and focused." It makes sense that memories are so strongly linked with our experiences with food.
Healing
I can feel my body slimming down, and my body getting stronger. I know that it's going slower then I had hoped it would, but I still deal with so many emotions with this thing. And I don't like that. I want to cry when I realize I am reaching for a snack because I am bored. I am still overwhelmed by all the information out there regarding food. I feel like I can't understand what is going on with it all. I never realized how much all of this was wrapped up in my emotions. Until I started trying to sort it out.
Father God, heal my heart tonight. Make this health journey about health & wellness. Help me sort through the emotions of everything. Help me to understand why my heart is so caught up in this. I am so aware God that You are good. That you are the author and finisher of my faith. You are the only one that can make sense of my heart because you are the one who created it. You formed me in my mother's womb and made sure you kept me safe until this moment. You have given me strength to overcome the obstacles I see in my way, and the struggles that are real. God, help me to not see food as an enemy. Help me to forgive the people who have shown me false sense of comfort through food.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Favorite New Foods & Workouts
Here are a few of my favorite new foods I am eating:
Home-made Hummus
2 Cans Chickpeas (30 oz total) drained and rinsed.
2 Tablespoons Tahini (found in the ethnic foods section at Cub)
1 Tablespoon EVOO
2Tablespoons lemon juice
Garlic Powder to taste
1/4 cup water
Throw in blender and blend. Simple as that.
Roasted Carrots & Broccoli
1/2 bag baby carrots
1 head broccoli cut up
Toss in a bowl garnish generously with lemon juice and sprinle with sea salt.
Throw on a cookie sheet place in over at 425 for 15 minutes.
These have become staples in my diet right now. They fill me up and are easy easy easy.
Smoothie:
Handful fresh kale leaves
Handful fresh raspberries
Handful fresh blueberries
Put in blender
Fill with almond milk
1 teaspoon coconut oil
1 teaspoon honey
Blend. Drink. Done. Sometimes if I know it's going to be awhile until lunch I add a 1/4 cup oatmeal to this. It keeps me a bit fuller for longer.
Exercises:
Pinterest has become my best friend. I learn a lot from watching others fitness pages. It helps. I try to keep myself from being too bored. I am practicing the moves I find hard in the mornings, just concentrating on the movements. 10 times or 20 just to learn the movement. Much like a football player learns drills. I can't do a mountain climber because it feels awkward, and I feel totally uncoordinated. So I have been dropping to the floor when I get out of bed in the morning and I do the movement very slowly. Learning how my body feels so that way when I want to do them faster, I can. It totally helps, and makes me feel less awkward later.
Home-made Hummus
2 Cans Chickpeas (30 oz total) drained and rinsed.
2 Tablespoons Tahini (found in the ethnic foods section at Cub)
1 Tablespoon EVOO
2Tablespoons lemon juice
Garlic Powder to taste
1/4 cup water
Throw in blender and blend. Simple as that.
Roasted Carrots & Broccoli
1/2 bag baby carrots
1 head broccoli cut up
Toss in a bowl garnish generously with lemon juice and sprinle with sea salt.
Throw on a cookie sheet place in over at 425 for 15 minutes.
These have become staples in my diet right now. They fill me up and are easy easy easy.
Smoothie:
Handful fresh kale leaves
Handful fresh raspberries
Handful fresh blueberries
Put in blender
Fill with almond milk
1 teaspoon coconut oil
1 teaspoon honey
Blend. Drink. Done. Sometimes if I know it's going to be awhile until lunch I add a 1/4 cup oatmeal to this. It keeps me a bit fuller for longer.
Exercises:
Pinterest has become my best friend. I learn a lot from watching others fitness pages. It helps. I try to keep myself from being too bored. I am practicing the moves I find hard in the mornings, just concentrating on the movements. 10 times or 20 just to learn the movement. Much like a football player learns drills. I can't do a mountain climber because it feels awkward, and I feel totally uncoordinated. So I have been dropping to the floor when I get out of bed in the morning and I do the movement very slowly. Learning how my body feels so that way when I want to do them faster, I can. It totally helps, and makes me feel less awkward later.
My Starving Neighbors
I want to start off this post by saying thank you to all the people who are faithfully following along. I am encouraged by your support, and I cannot say thank you enough for that. I didn't start this blog to garner attention or support, but I certainly do appreciate the kind words.
I am quite excited about my purchases at the Farmer's Market this weekened. I didn't get much: beets, purple pole beans, mini-cucumbers, and some fresh kale. I am excited for my morning smoothies. I can add the beet greens to them, and I can also add the kale.
I am excited for sides of cucumber & tomatoe salads with vinegar dressings, and my homemade hummus.
I realized today that this lifestyle change for me is going to effect so many more people then myself. When I am working out, I keep asking myself, who is seeing me run right now, thinking..."If she can do that, then I can do something too." As I learn to prepare fresh food for myself, I can't help but think how greatful I am that I am learning these things now, and not when I am married and with kids. I don't want to pass down bad eating habits, and wrong food messages to children who will learn those things from simply watching me.
One thing I can't get off of my mind though, is how are the people in my community faring right now? Only in America, the land of thousands of opportunites, are we caught in the middle of an obesity epidemic and their are food shelves popping up more and more every single day, because people are starving. I feel guilty that I am able to purchase fresh food. Does organic vs. gmo matter to them? Does frozen vs. canned matter to them? Are they even aware of the fact that thier sodium laden meals are only filling thier bellies?
What does dignity look like to those people? They have already stood in line to get money from the government to get food. Why isn't that food providing the nutrients they need? My heart is literally wrenched at the thought, that I have so much when mom's are struggling with the decision tonight if they are going to be able to eat something tonight or will they give it all to thier children.
Am I crazy in thinking that as I learn more about health and nutrition that God is arming me with this knowledge so I can help others? Why are people being forced to choose between paying rent & fresh food? Real food? Can I simplify my life so much that I can help those without?
I am reminded that thier are many like minded people who are trying to help those in need. That the job isn't up to me alone. I have a dear sweet friend who spends time baking (using real ingredients) and handing those baked goods out to the homeless down by the Doris Day Center in St. Paul. Her thoughts are how many homeless people have a can opener or a pan to cook or heat up those canned goods. I have another friend who is researching organizations in the Twin Cities that take the time to help the poor so he can get involved. I am greatful for these people who see the need. I can't help but think the easy access to empty calories, and fake food, for such a cheap price is what is causing thier to be such an unbalance.
I am not throwing in the towel on this wellness thing because I feel guitly at my ability to eat fresh, while others don't have it. It just makes me very very aware of the difference across the street.
As I ran through the park today, I stopped to fill up my water bottle, and I had the chance to observe a Father with his children. He was running & his kids where on bikes. He kept encouraging them to pedal faster. He was out of breath & I could tell he was working hard. He looked at me & said "keep up the good work. Push harder. I have lost 40lbs just from keeping my family more and more active." His daughter rolled her eyes at him, and said, "Yes, and now we can never have ice cream." He just smiled and said, "It's good for you honey."
I can't help but think that this is what God is saying to me. "This is good for you honey. Keep up the good work. Run harder, eat better, and do more." I am excited to make these changes. I am more excited to help others learn from my own struggles with food, emotions, and unhealthy body images. Life is hard, but with each step I am learning to breath easier.
I am quite excited about my purchases at the Farmer's Market this weekened. I didn't get much: beets, purple pole beans, mini-cucumbers, and some fresh kale. I am excited for my morning smoothies. I can add the beet greens to them, and I can also add the kale.
I am excited for sides of cucumber & tomatoe salads with vinegar dressings, and my homemade hummus.
I realized today that this lifestyle change for me is going to effect so many more people then myself. When I am working out, I keep asking myself, who is seeing me run right now, thinking..."If she can do that, then I can do something too." As I learn to prepare fresh food for myself, I can't help but think how greatful I am that I am learning these things now, and not when I am married and with kids. I don't want to pass down bad eating habits, and wrong food messages to children who will learn those things from simply watching me.
One thing I can't get off of my mind though, is how are the people in my community faring right now? Only in America, the land of thousands of opportunites, are we caught in the middle of an obesity epidemic and their are food shelves popping up more and more every single day, because people are starving. I feel guilty that I am able to purchase fresh food. Does organic vs. gmo matter to them? Does frozen vs. canned matter to them? Are they even aware of the fact that thier sodium laden meals are only filling thier bellies?
What does dignity look like to those people? They have already stood in line to get money from the government to get food. Why isn't that food providing the nutrients they need? My heart is literally wrenched at the thought, that I have so much when mom's are struggling with the decision tonight if they are going to be able to eat something tonight or will they give it all to thier children.
Am I crazy in thinking that as I learn more about health and nutrition that God is arming me with this knowledge so I can help others? Why are people being forced to choose between paying rent & fresh food? Real food? Can I simplify my life so much that I can help those without?
I am reminded that thier are many like minded people who are trying to help those in need. That the job isn't up to me alone. I have a dear sweet friend who spends time baking (using real ingredients) and handing those baked goods out to the homeless down by the Doris Day Center in St. Paul. Her thoughts are how many homeless people have a can opener or a pan to cook or heat up those canned goods. I have another friend who is researching organizations in the Twin Cities that take the time to help the poor so he can get involved. I am greatful for these people who see the need. I can't help but think the easy access to empty calories, and fake food, for such a cheap price is what is causing thier to be such an unbalance.
I am not throwing in the towel on this wellness thing because I feel guitly at my ability to eat fresh, while others don't have it. It just makes me very very aware of the difference across the street.
As I ran through the park today, I stopped to fill up my water bottle, and I had the chance to observe a Father with his children. He was running & his kids where on bikes. He kept encouraging them to pedal faster. He was out of breath & I could tell he was working hard. He looked at me & said "keep up the good work. Push harder. I have lost 40lbs just from keeping my family more and more active." His daughter rolled her eyes at him, and said, "Yes, and now we can never have ice cream." He just smiled and said, "It's good for you honey."
I can't help but think that this is what God is saying to me. "This is good for you honey. Keep up the good work. Run harder, eat better, and do more." I am excited to make these changes. I am more excited to help others learn from my own struggles with food, emotions, and unhealthy body images. Life is hard, but with each step I am learning to breath easier.
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Day 7: Monopoly is back at McDonald's
Yup. It's that time of the year, Monopoly is back at McDonald's. The potential to win 1 Million Dollars, just from eating a Big Mac, and a second chance to win by super-sizing the meal, makes one almost believe that they already are the winner. The million dollars is already spent, on a new car, a new home, a check has been written to the charity of my choice, all before the regret of consuming all those calories (empty empty calories) and the tab is pulled only to realize that the game piece isn't an instant winner. The damage of eating that super-sized Big Mac meal is already done, and my financial situation is still very much the same.
This is the exact thought process that went through my head on the way home from a friends house last evening. I am proud to say, I didn't stop at any of the 10 McDonald's I passed on my home, in a 17 mile radius.
I am wondering what the pull is that makes something so bad for you, so attractive. I know the damage that a McDonald's meal can do to an entire life-style change. I know that it would be just a matter of one meal, to feel like I can't do this. I can't eat healthy and I shouldn't even bother trying.
I wonder sometimes if food and bad food, the overindulgence of bad food, is just like sin. It's been said that sin will take you further then you ever meant to go, and keep you longer then you ever meant to stay. It feeds on you soul, wanting more and more of it, and you in turn need more and more of it.
I was reminded today at the farmers market that good food is food that makes you feel good. Not the temporary rush that comes from eating fast food, or drinking diet coke. But actually feels good. Food that is complete is food that can heal.
I keep telling myself that fast food is food that God has created that nothing needs to be done to it to eat it. An apple that can be pulled from the tree and eaten, that's fast food. A strawberry from the garden that can be pulled up and eaten, that's fast food. An orange that can be peeled and eaten, that's fast food. These are things that the nutrients are readily available. Whole & complete.
This is the exact thought process that went through my head on the way home from a friends house last evening. I am proud to say, I didn't stop at any of the 10 McDonald's I passed on my home, in a 17 mile radius.
I am wondering what the pull is that makes something so bad for you, so attractive. I know the damage that a McDonald's meal can do to an entire life-style change. I know that it would be just a matter of one meal, to feel like I can't do this. I can't eat healthy and I shouldn't even bother trying.
I wonder sometimes if food and bad food, the overindulgence of bad food, is just like sin. It's been said that sin will take you further then you ever meant to go, and keep you longer then you ever meant to stay. It feeds on you soul, wanting more and more of it, and you in turn need more and more of it.
I was reminded today at the farmers market that good food is food that makes you feel good. Not the temporary rush that comes from eating fast food, or drinking diet coke. But actually feels good. Food that is complete is food that can heal.
I keep telling myself that fast food is food that God has created that nothing needs to be done to it to eat it. An apple that can be pulled from the tree and eaten, that's fast food. A strawberry from the garden that can be pulled up and eaten, that's fast food. An orange that can be peeled and eaten, that's fast food. These are things that the nutrients are readily available. Whole & complete.
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Just another day in Paradise: Day 6
It's still hot! And I love it. Seriously, I would rather take 90 degrees any day over cold. I need the sunshine. It speaks to my soul, it rejuvenates, it massages the grumpies out.
I did a run this morning that was rough. My body didn't want to cooperate, I felt sluggish, and slow. I know that tomorrow will be a better day, and that's all that matters. Each step can heal, and tomorrow is a day with new mercies. I'm greatful that God's mercies are new every morning.
I am looking for ways to save money as I embark on this journey. I have a small kitchen, so storage is difficult. I desire to buy fresh veggies and fruit, but have a hard time with being able to use everything in time before it goes bad. It's hard to shop, and cook, and eat for one. That wasn't a typo...portion control is also something I am learning, so it is hard to eat for one.
I was really excited to be able to learn to save my kale for my smoothies in the morning. I am going to blend it up with a little bit of coconut oil and water and freeze it in ice cube trays, and plop one or two into the magic bullet in the morning. It is just one of those tips that makes sense, and helps me save money. I learned how to save berries for use later doing the same thing.
I'm learning with just a little bit of planning, things CAN work. It doesn't have to be this huge overall, of schedules, and bank books, and everything else. I am feeling like things are more and more possible every day. I feel like my body is slowly changing. I did a weigh in today and am down 11lbs from when I first began this process. I was able to put on a t-shirt today that I haven't worn since this fall and this fall it was quite snug. It's encouraging to know the work. The really hard work. The insecurites, the failures, the days when I forget to bring my lunch so I have to turn back around and grab it from home. The soreness from different workouts, and all the bravery are paying off.
There's a bit of fear in all of this, that I have to face every day. I wonder what everyone who sees this blog is thinking. I wonder if I am being too honest about somethings. I wonder if people are wondering why I am doing this. And it honestly overwhelms me at moments. I wonder if I am going to have a rough week or a life-event happen that is super life-shattering and all I'll want to do in the moment is eat ice cream, and pringles. Will there come a moment when I self-sabotage, just because I'm getting too good and too fast of results?
And yet, all I can do is push forward. All I can do is trust that this is what is right for me, and be gentle towards myself when I do make mistakes. I don't have to worry about the future because today has enough worries of it's own.
Seek first His Kingdom and Righteousness and all these things shall be added to you. Mark 6:33.
I did a run this morning that was rough. My body didn't want to cooperate, I felt sluggish, and slow. I know that tomorrow will be a better day, and that's all that matters. Each step can heal, and tomorrow is a day with new mercies. I'm greatful that God's mercies are new every morning.
I am looking for ways to save money as I embark on this journey. I have a small kitchen, so storage is difficult. I desire to buy fresh veggies and fruit, but have a hard time with being able to use everything in time before it goes bad. It's hard to shop, and cook, and eat for one. That wasn't a typo...portion control is also something I am learning, so it is hard to eat for one.
I was really excited to be able to learn to save my kale for my smoothies in the morning. I am going to blend it up with a little bit of coconut oil and water and freeze it in ice cube trays, and plop one or two into the magic bullet in the morning. It is just one of those tips that makes sense, and helps me save money. I learned how to save berries for use later doing the same thing.
I'm learning with just a little bit of planning, things CAN work. It doesn't have to be this huge overall, of schedules, and bank books, and everything else. I am feeling like things are more and more possible every day. I feel like my body is slowly changing. I did a weigh in today and am down 11lbs from when I first began this process. I was able to put on a t-shirt today that I haven't worn since this fall and this fall it was quite snug. It's encouraging to know the work. The really hard work. The insecurites, the failures, the days when I forget to bring my lunch so I have to turn back around and grab it from home. The soreness from different workouts, and all the bravery are paying off.
There's a bit of fear in all of this, that I have to face every day. I wonder what everyone who sees this blog is thinking. I wonder if I am being too honest about somethings. I wonder if people are wondering why I am doing this. And it honestly overwhelms me at moments. I wonder if I am going to have a rough week or a life-event happen that is super life-shattering and all I'll want to do in the moment is eat ice cream, and pringles. Will there come a moment when I self-sabotage, just because I'm getting too good and too fast of results?
And yet, all I can do is push forward. All I can do is trust that this is what is right for me, and be gentle towards myself when I do make mistakes. I don't have to worry about the future because today has enough worries of it's own.
Seek first His Kingdom and Righteousness and all these things shall be added to you. Mark 6:33.
Always Room at the Table: Day 5
I have never realized how much of my social life revolves around food. Sitting around and eating. Lacking activity to burn off the calories of the ooey-gooey cheesy pizza. A giant tub of pop corn with chemical laden diet soft drink at a movie. A large amount of dairy (and calories) in a foo-foo coffee shop. It all revolves around food, and I understand it.
I don't feel restrictive in my life-style choices I am making. It's been easier to turn down lunch invitations and meeting for "apps" by saying, "No thanks, I'm not eating that kind of food right now." or "Not today, I brought my own lunch." or "I'm choosing to eat vegan today." If I say, "Sorry, I can't..." there's an emotional process that takes place super quickly and without thought. I just feel bad. Like, I can't do something. I hate disappointing people, more then anything in the world, and saying I can't do it...even something as small as food makes, me feel slight guilty.
Social eating sometimes seems to be the glue that holds my relationships together. I get together with family, and we eat. I get together with friends, and we eat. I don't know how to change that. For now, I am packing snacks, and foods I am choosing to eat. It makes it easier to do what I need to know. I'm trying hard to not be offensive, in my choices right now.
I am greatful for the support system I have in my friendships, because they get it. However, it's the people who don't understand. The random co-workers who offer you a cookie because they have extra, the invitations of new friends to go out and grab a bite. It's deeply my desire to do nothing but value people and relationships over food. I deeply desire to mkae the most of the calories I eat every day. I want my food to be full of nutrients, and vitamins, and good things.
As I try to sort through all the information, I am desiring nothing but real food. I am examining my motives everytime I eat. Am I reaching for food, because I am hungry, or am I reaching for food because I am tired, or stressed, or emotional, or sad. I can't remember the last time I have tried to really listen to my body and it's hunger signals. It's been so good and so freeing to do that.
I am growing more aware every single day that God creates things in such perfection. He created in my the strength to say no to poor food choices. He created in my the strength to push my body beyond it's limits and run just a bit harder, and to lift just once more.
Father you made me. You know me full well. You have seen each and every day of my life. You have created food for nourishment, and you have given me the ability to discern what is good food and what is not. You have created in me the strength to reverse the ideas of this culture of what beauty and strength is. You have created things with such perfection, and such beauty, I am not sure I can stand it at moments. There are days I glimpse in the mirror and I am sad at the damage and brokeness I see that I have done to my body, however God there are also days where I see your handi-work. I see the light reflected in my eyes and I feel beautiful, I see the softness of my skin and realize that the hardness and the hurt doesn't effect everything, and there is still beauty and perfection there. Father, I thank you that you make wonderful things.
I don't feel restrictive in my life-style choices I am making. It's been easier to turn down lunch invitations and meeting for "apps" by saying, "No thanks, I'm not eating that kind of food right now." or "Not today, I brought my own lunch." or "I'm choosing to eat vegan today." If I say, "Sorry, I can't..." there's an emotional process that takes place super quickly and without thought. I just feel bad. Like, I can't do something. I hate disappointing people, more then anything in the world, and saying I can't do it...even something as small as food makes, me feel slight guilty.
Social eating sometimes seems to be the glue that holds my relationships together. I get together with family, and we eat. I get together with friends, and we eat. I don't know how to change that. For now, I am packing snacks, and foods I am choosing to eat. It makes it easier to do what I need to know. I'm trying hard to not be offensive, in my choices right now.
I am greatful for the support system I have in my friendships, because they get it. However, it's the people who don't understand. The random co-workers who offer you a cookie because they have extra, the invitations of new friends to go out and grab a bite. It's deeply my desire to do nothing but value people and relationships over food. I deeply desire to mkae the most of the calories I eat every day. I want my food to be full of nutrients, and vitamins, and good things.
As I try to sort through all the information, I am desiring nothing but real food. I am examining my motives everytime I eat. Am I reaching for food, because I am hungry, or am I reaching for food because I am tired, or stressed, or emotional, or sad. I can't remember the last time I have tried to really listen to my body and it's hunger signals. It's been so good and so freeing to do that.
I am growing more aware every single day that God creates things in such perfection. He created in my the strength to say no to poor food choices. He created in my the strength to push my body beyond it's limits and run just a bit harder, and to lift just once more.
Father you made me. You know me full well. You have seen each and every day of my life. You have created food for nourishment, and you have given me the ability to discern what is good food and what is not. You have created in me the strength to reverse the ideas of this culture of what beauty and strength is. You have created things with such perfection, and such beauty, I am not sure I can stand it at moments. There are days I glimpse in the mirror and I am sad at the damage and brokeness I see that I have done to my body, however God there are also days where I see your handi-work. I see the light reflected in my eyes and I feel beautiful, I see the softness of my skin and realize that the hardness and the hurt doesn't effect everything, and there is still beauty and perfection there. Father, I thank you that you make wonderful things.
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