Earning it

It finally happened. I worked my butt off so hard that I threw up. I started my workout with 50 squats (ouch), and then proceeded to run sprints for 30 minutes. Then I did 40 crunches, 30 jumping jacks, and tried to do 20 push-ups. I felt a cough coming on...and it was over. I apologize to my nieghbors, and to the readers of this blog, for sharing gross and yucky TMI details. I now feel weak, and limp, and not ready to try that ever again. However, I feel like I have earned a badge of honor. Everyone talks about how the work so hard they feel like puking, well I actually did.

Moving on...

I'm really thankful for Pan-Away essential oil. It's the only thing that is keeping my sciatic nerve pain in check. I know as my body adjusts, and as my core gets stronger, I can count on the pain going away. Right now though, I don't see an end in sight for it, and laying in bed at night as it throbs, I feel quite proud of it. I know it sounds dumb, but I feel the burn in my arms, in my core, and in my back-side and all I can think is "I earned that burn."

However, there are times, I wish this wasn't so much work. I feel like I am in a constant cycle of trying decide when to wake up, when to work out, when to eat, when to cook, what to buy. What is a better choice, is this nutritionly sound, is this real food, are these empty calories? How much is a serving size? It is exhausting. And totally worth it.

"Water water everywhere, nor any drop to drink."
Diet coke and creamy coffee are my enemies in this journey. I am proud to report I am Diet Coke free for three weeks, and it's something that is constantly on my mind. The thought of the carbonation hitting my throught makes me want to gag, but the hissing sound the ice cold can makes as you pop the tab open, well...that actually brings back memories. Memories of parades, and the county fair. Times when my family had money because it meant we could afford soda, and it made stress all around less.

In his book, The Omnivourus Mind: Our Evolving Relationship with Food, John S. Allen says, "Our evolved psychology, may make food one of the more likely things in the environment around which memories are formed and focused." It makes sense that memories are so strongly linked with our experiences with food.

Healing
I can feel my body slimming down, and my body getting stronger. I know that it's going slower then I had hoped it would, but I still deal with so many emotions with this thing. And I don't like that. I want to cry when I realize I am reaching for a snack because I am bored. I am still overwhelmed by all the information out there regarding food. I feel like I can't understand what is going on with it all. I never realized how much all of this was wrapped up in my emotions. Until I started trying to sort it out.

Father God, heal my heart tonight. Make this health journey about health & wellness. Help me sort through the emotions of everything. Help me to understand why my heart is so caught up in this. I am so aware God that You are good. That you are the author and finisher of my faith. You are the only one that can make sense of my heart because you are the one who created it. You formed me in my mother's womb and made sure you kept me safe until this moment. You have given me strength to overcome the obstacles I see in my way, and the struggles that are real. God, help me to not see food as an enemy. Help me to forgive the people who have shown me false sense of comfort through food.