Tuesday, August 29, 2017

The World has Shifted

There's never a comfortable way to approach this topic. Everyone has their already formed opinion, so I debated even writing this. I debated even publishing it. But to sit in silence contributes to the problem.

Had you asked me 5 years ago if our country had a racism problem, my answer would have been a firm NO. Our president was black, I personally didn't know anyone who was racist, I didn't surround myself with people who blatantly hated anyone much less for the color of their skin. Then I met the man who would become my husband; and my world shifted. The rose colored glasses where removed, and I saw the truth. The truth that many of my friends and family still deny, or don't see.

It started innocently enough...a few glances here and there in church. I honestly thought it was because, people where interested in us as a new couple, they where trying to figure out, are they? Aren't they? Then a person here and there who had previously been kind to me just wasn't. There was a wall there. It happened as it became more and more apparent, that...yes, yes indeed we where a couple. Then one fine Sunday morning, she approached me. The older lady who I had looked up to. Previous years when I had first entered this particular church she could ALWAYS be found at the altar praying for others. She appeared to be a shiny gem among God's chosen people. I wanted to model my prayers after hers. She came to me and asked, "Are you dating him? That man you where sitting by?"
"Yes! I am. He's fantastic. Have you met him yet?" I beamed with pride.
"Oh dear," She said. "You can't date him. Dating leads to marriage, and marrying someone like him isn't good, or what God wants. God doesn't want you to marry someone outside your race. Your relationship is sinful." I spoke to the leadership of the church about it. They told me it was just something I had to deal with. And that was that. It was the beginning of me learning that there was a whole world outside of mine.

The day it had snowed HEAVILY. It was the first big snow of the year. If I remember correctly it was well over 6 inches. We where driving to work. The roads weren't plowed yet. So all the cars where following the tracks of the other cars. It was the only place the road was visible. This is a common occurrence in Minne--snow-ta. Maybe 3 other cars where in front of us that morning. And the cop pulled us over. The "crime" driving outside the fog lines. I didn't know a fog line existed. (It is the white line along the side of the road for those curious). The cop was RUDE, disrespectful, and constantly swearing at my husband. I have never in my life seen a cop speak to someone that way. It was hard to hear. Apparently respect from a cop, is a privilege I had always taken for granted. After a few moments I recognized her. It was a former student I had taught Sunday school to. I leaned over, said "Hi" and her attitude changed. She called my husband sir. But the damage was already done. She had shown her true attitude. And I will never forget the look on that man's face. I hate to say it, but my strong, brave, hard-working, kind, brilliant, husband, looked broken. I don't know if it was fear, I don't know if it was realizing that yet again, a cop had judged him based on this interaction, but it wasn't a look I had seen before. And it broke me. And I realized the world had shifted.

It was the cashier in the local grocery store. The one I had spoken to many times. Who always asked me how my day was. She would tell me little stories of her grandson. She knew me by name. And I noticed she stopped speaking to me, well...that's not entirely accurate. She would only speak to me when my husband wasn't with me. It stung, because I had really liked her stories. Once again, my world had shifted.

The day I opened my messenger on Facebook after my son was born. "You got lucky, your baby is light enough to raise as a "normal" person."
"What in the world is a normal person? What does that even mean?"
"You know...to not focus on his black side or culture. You can raise him to embrace his white culture." And I realized there was no reasoning with this thinking. I realized I am raising a mixed race son. And my world has forever shifted.

I am a bit embarrassed and ashamed that it took me so long to realize that we still have a problem. That racism is  systemic, and because of the past there are still laws, mores, and a way of life that disenfranchises people of color, and elevates white privilege. I am at times afraid to speak up, because I don't think my family needs more hate, or more comments, or more attention. I at moments feel like I am not going to be helpful to the conversation. Does the black community need another white woman taking up their cause, because it now affects her? How do I even help?

The Bible says: "Weep with those who weep, mourn with those who mourn." Friends, fellow Christians...I'm speaking to you. You don't get to tell your black counterparts, that "Racism isn't a thing." "Slavery was so long ago." "Yes, but those laws aren't in affect today." "You where never a slave" As a Christian, you job...your mission is to weep with those who weep. You need to listen. Hear their stories, ask how the current political state is affecting them. Learn something about how the world is for them. Are they scared? Do they feel disenfranchised? What was growing up like for them. AND TO BELIEVE THEM. Not argue away their experience, or explain it away. Then and only then will you understand that a shift in this world needs to happen. And we haven't experienced it.