Mental Health Awareness and the Church
My heart is
overwhelmed with grief these last couple weeks as I have observed the posts,
the tweets, the blogs, and comments from the Church world as we’ve learned yet
another young pastor has passed away from suicide. I’m sure I don’t have the
knowledge or the training to do the topic justice; but I do have my own
experiences as someone who was and is immersed in the Church culture and deals
with my own mental health struggles/illness.
First things
first…I am not blaming the Church for this tragedy. It is a complex, messy,
concerning event that has and will forever significantly alter the lives of
those around it. His family, friends, and the church he served. No one is to
blame. This isn’t a finger pointing mission. Secondly, those who know me well
know I work as HR staff in a Mental Health clinic. I have become passionate
about mental health through this work; but let’s make it very clear, my area of
expertise is Human Resources, not mental health. I am not a therapist. I have
not been trained in mental health. I have been trained in Human Resources.
Now to dive in.
Pastors and
professional church workers…I beg you; please begin the conversations that
surround mental health in your churches and in your circles of influence. The
freedom and release you may bring by making these conversations the “norm” will
be matchless. Find the phone numbers of local therapists, mental health
clinics, and refer your congregation there if it is out of your area of
expertise. Bring certified therapists on staff if you have the resources to do
so. Attend mental health awareness trainings and seminars in your local
community. Research what the Bible has to say about mental health.
My Story
As a young
adult, in volunteer leadership roles, and as a paid staff member at church, I
was struggling with anxiety. It was hard and I felt so alone in the struggle.
My anxiety didn’t present as anxiety in the church. It presented as “sin”. It
presented as uncontrolled debt; because shopping sprees made me feel better for
a moment. It presented as being controlling; because I was grasping for control
of my racing thoughts. It presented as dishonesty; because those who I turned
to in the darkest times didn’t know how to respond to me. They responded the
best they could, but it was inadequate. The recommended counseling, which
helped for some time; but for anyone dealing with ANY chronic illness knows
mental health rebounds. I was stuck in a vicious cycle.
The story I
was hearing from those around me was: I wasn’t good enough. No one was saying
it outright mind you, but no one was talking about their own struggles. The
outward things they saw where the topic of conversation and correction; the
behaviors where being addressed but certainly not the underlying cause. It
caused me to cover up and not present as I truly was. My prayers weren’t
enough. I was stuck in “sin”. And I wasn’t going to get better. God could heal
cancer, infertility, drug addictions, etc. but God couldn’t heal my brain, and
I didn’t understand why. The shame that set in was debilitating. I did not know
anyone else at my church who was struggling the way I was. The conversations
weren’t being had.
Prayers Didn’t Work
I know I
just turned a lot of you away with that statement… “Prayers didn’t work”; but
please hear me out. Prayers ALONE didn’t work. Do I believe God can heal any illness including mental health in an
instant…Yes, absolutely yes. But for me and my story, prayers alone didn’t
work. I prayed, I journaled, I sought counseling and kept ending up in the same
place. I needed something more. It wasn’t until my son was born that I was able
to entertain the thought that I needed something else to help me fight what was
going on. I made the appointment to get treated for post-partum and discovered
that I had most likely been fighting anxiety this whole time. Longer then I
remembered. Longer then I cared to admit. That appointment, and that medication
was the answer to prayer.
How to Get the Conversations Started
Mental
health is personal. Most people are not going to walk into a small group, altar
service, and say “I’m struggling with…” especially if they have in the past and
response was not well received. One of the more freeing moments I have
experienced in my mental health journey was when a well-respected Pastor/Mentor
in my life shared FROM THE PULPIT; “I see a counselor”. It unlocked and began
to release the shame I was holding onto in my life. I had a close friend text
me and say “Please pray for me. I am really struggling with depression right
now. I have an appointment to go see my doctor later this week”. And again, the
release was felt.
In church
culture and leadership there is this mentality that pastors and their families
are held up on a pedestal. That if they are struggling with something, they
must not be “holding the faith”. We have to stop. This prevents the people in
leadership positions from openly sharing their struggles, and receiving the
grace they need to move forward. It prevents grace from pouring out on those
they led and shepherd.
There’s this
culture of “Don’t bleed on the sheep” amongst church leaders that is damaging.
I would challenge you to look at what messages you are relaying that may send
the message to your people sitting in the pulpits that are struggling with
their own mental health. If a staff member went to the senior pastor of your
church and said; “I’m struggling with…” how would it be received. Would there
be fear for losing their job? Would there be fear of placing their family in
financial ruin? Or upsetting the culture of what their family knows? Many
people in church do not come forward when they are in the depths because they
fear this. We need to create a culture amongst our church staffs that it is
okay to struggle, its okay to voice those struggles. We are all works in
progress. We need to equip our church leaders and staff with resources for
themselves, for their families, and for those they seek to lead.
