Well, it's Sunday. It's supposed to be the day of rest, with the emotions I am currently experiencing in my personal life, and from walking through this wellness journey, I don't know that much rest, happened today. Just a lot of processing, a lot of questions, and a lot of just putting one foot in front of the other.
I woke up this morning knowing it was a moderate work out day. Lucky for me, I didn't have to go to work on this morning so I was able to get outside and do sprints (or my version of sprints) I run to one end of the soccer field, to turn around and walk back. For 20 minutes, and then do squats, lunges, and planks afterwards. It was humid, and all I wanted to do was go back to bed. I felt like my shorts where to short, there's nothing flattering about a sports bra, and my shoes didn't match. I was entirely frusturated with the way my hair went back into it's pony tail. I felt like I looked like a mess. And I definitely felt like a mess. However, 5 minutes into it, something happened...I realized, as messy and hard is this felt. I could push through. I could work hard for 20 minutes. And it wasn't going to matter in 3 months how messy I looked today. In three months, I will feel better about how my legs look in shorts, my sports bra will fit less snugly in my underarm/back fat, and I can always buy new shoes. But I am going to make myself earn them.
After 15 minutes I felt strong. I knew I could make it another 5 minutes, and I was going to be proud of myself when I did.
I couldn't help paralell that with what I was feeling spiritually. Right, now everything feels messy. I wonder if God is there or if He is hearing my prayers. All I want to do is curl up in bed and cry. But as I push through with God and keep praying, things will lift. In three months from now, it's not going to matter how messy this stage of my life feels. In three months from now, I am going to be stronger, and feel better about myself. It doesn't matter how difficult I feel about this journey right now, God is helping me to build up some spiritual muscles. Next time I am faced with difficulty I will know how to handle it. I will be better when life doesn't go as planned. And I like that feeling.
God didn't promise us a life free from difficulty. He promised us He would see us through the storm. I like that.
Food was harder today. I desperately need to go grocery shopping and clean out my fridge. I don't have that opportunity until Tuesday evening. For now, I am finishing off the remnants in my fridge. I had a dear friend invite me out to lunch and I made the choice to get a salad. I wish I had gotten the dressing on the side, but had forgot to ask. However, it was better then anything else on the menu, and was quite tasty. It was only 360 calories, so I guess I could have made a worse choice. I am learning that prepping ahead of time, would help me in these situations. It's easy to think that I could come home from church and prep my food for the day, but usually I just need to eat the minute I walk in the door. My goal is to make sure I have food prepped that I can always pull out of the fridge so I don't snack poorly as I am prepping the meal.
I said today I would publish pictures and measurments. I thought I could be brave and do that, but I think I am going to wait a day or two. I just need to feel better about it. I already felt like too much of a mess today. I know that's being a chicken, but I just can't yet. Pray for me!
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